So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
