Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
