I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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