I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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