So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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