Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..

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(309): View more from Illinois

"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.

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(317): View more from Indiana

idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break

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(954): View more from Florida

It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...

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(913): View more from Kansas

I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.

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(207): View more from Maine

She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks

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(720): View more from Colorado

I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.

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(310): View more from California

It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after

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