This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
