Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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