we have officially lost it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
