She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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