hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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