For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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