He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
