Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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