I smell stomach acid.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
