big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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