The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
