I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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