No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Enjoy the penises
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
