FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
