jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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