All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
