I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
