bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
