you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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