Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
