Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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