Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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