am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
