i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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