you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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