Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So vagazzling was a success
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
