great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
