drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
