So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
