I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
