I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
