So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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