You can't motorboat a personality
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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