it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
