dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
