I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
