To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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