I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
