that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My pussy is not your playground.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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