and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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