it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
