I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
