I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
