I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
