Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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